Friday, May 10, 2013

The Human Centipede 2 Review, or "There's no reason... No reasons. Yet, here we are."


Why did I watch this?

Masochism? A sickness? Maybe it's the train wreck mentality? Like I can't look away? Or, you know, I'm so tired of all those stupid lists that idiots post (10 Reasons that blah blah blah did the blah blah blah and you didn't know it) that I needed the most disgusting, angry thing to watch. Seriously, those lists anger me. How can anyone enjoy those stupid lists? What ever happened to writing essays? Anyway...

I have to question myself on viewing this. The fact that I watched this and yet I can't stomach finishing "Pink Flamingos" is astonishing, and probably a little wrong. But, then again, I like John Waters far more than I like his films. I don't think I'd like Tom Six very much. But that's not fair. So, let's talk about his terrible movie.

And yeah, I'm letting you know up front that as much as I defended the first film in the franchise, I'm not going to be defending this piece of crap.

Let's start off with the premise, shall we? Just like the stupid premise behind the second Blair Witch film, that is not a true sequel, but a movie that acknowledges its predecessor as a movie, we find our villain in this movie who is obsesses over the first film and wants to emulate the "genius" work of Dr. Leiter. But he wants to go bigger and better, going above and beyond the mere three people long centipede of the first film to make a human arse-to-mouth train of twelve people.

But the villain in this film, the loathsome Martin, lacks the surgical skill and precision to perfectly mimic the first film accurately, and the resultant work is disgusting and messy, just like this film as a whole. I managed to avoid the nausea in the first film. Not in the second one, where I repeatedly felt queasy.

There was a presence that Dr. Leiter had as a villain. Even though I didn't care for the first movie, at least the villain had some real menace. I hate Martin. Not in the way you're supposed to hate a villain. But let me say, that I really, really ate Martin. He's annoying, poorly conceived, and I didn't get any kind of satisfaction from anything in the course of this movie that involved him. Let's be honest. He's a stupid character.

When you watch horror movies, even the goriest, there is often a point. They are reflections of the ugliness that can be in the human spirit. Maybe Tom Six was going for that here, but I detected a gleefulness that was far too unsettling to make the movie watchable. Have you seen the original "Last House on the Left"? The end of that movie, after torturing the awful villains that hurt their daughter, the characters are left soulless shells of themselves, the horror of the violence that has been committed by them to be a lingering curse on their conscience for the rest of their lives. That's a strong statement. A very strong one. There was soul and human emotion to that film that was completely lacking in "The Human Centipede 2."

The bloodshed and gore is horrible, awful, and I feel sick thinking about it. I can stomach a great many things, but this pushes my limits quite a bit. Unless you're a die hard horror fan, you can probably pass on this stupid movie. I mean, seriously, pass on it. Even if you are a horror fan, you probably won't get much out of this, unless you and your buddies can make a drinking game out of it. Of course, I couldn't keep much down watching this, so perhaps not.


Brit W.

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